Entry 07

Collin gets PO’d over potassium.

For the record, Number One on Collin’s unpublished betrayal list is WATER. Number Two is POTASSIUM.

Every day, they're fine-tuning Collin's diuretics to make sure his liquid output outnumbers his liquid intake. Unfortunately, he's also outputting A LOT of electrolytes that his body actually needs, which causes cramps, aches, and that feeling of dehydration.

Enter potassium: the mineral that replaces those electrolytes.

Cue the drama: Collin needs A LOT of potassium ALL THE TIME. Sometimes his nurse hands him a shot glass filled with upwards of 8 potassium tablets, multiple times a day. The magic number for the potassium lab is 4:

  • above 4, you're golden;

  • below 4, you've got 1.76 seconds to swallow the pills before they turn into sand.

Yesterday, Collin shoveled in a fistful of potassium and finally hit a personal record of 5.1! Side note: too much potassium can stop your heart, but we're way past that.

Today, Collin woke up excited for his potassium lab.

The verdict? 4.1.

Doctor's response? Eh, he's on the line. Better give him more potassium.